THE EMOTION CODE

Some of the ways I have maintained balance during quarantine is through daily meditation and channeled oracle writing, past life regression hypnotherapy with Aja Daashuur, The Spirit Guide Coach, talk therapy with Silverlake Therapy, a 21 day Law of Abundance meditation guided by Phe, shamanic cacao sound sessions with Doe Paoro, tarot readings on Youtube and most recently — lightwork/body code work with Gabbi Garcia.

Through Dr. Bradley Nelson’s Body/Emotion Code work and methods, Gabbi was able to find trapped emotions inside my body, some inherited and some developed in recent times. In the first session (3/9), we identified that I had a hidden heart wall. After consensually entering my subconscious, Gabbi found that I learned pride at the age of 7, helplessness between the ages 5-10, I was taken for granted at age 15, I inherited shock from the womb and experienced it again at age 18, and I learned jealousy at age 6 and 7. Another hidden emotion was self-abuse, but we didn’t need to explore this any further. Yes, that was obvious.

When I heard her say pride I immediately thought of this moment in elementary school when I was outside on the school track rapping the lyrics to “Vanilla Ice Ice Baby” word for word to some boys. I felt really cool and I didn’t care that I looked dumb. Gabbi smiled and said, “you got this from your mom, and you were known for being good at things.” Haha! Jealousy was introduced to me on the playground too. Two white girls with blonde and red hair told me that I would never be skinny. I hated that I wanted to be them. I hated this about myself. Diving into my own body’s knowledge of helplessness was one of the most surreal moments of this entire experience because I integrated my subconscious (dream state) into my waking life.

In our second session (03/21), we identified another heart wall. This time the trapped emotions were longing, depression, and shame. Longing is an interesting concept that I have flirted with in my mind since the age of 16. We also found trapped lust, but we didn’t need to know anything else about it. I developed depression at the age of 13, in regards to my friendships. I can recall in my memory, a certain phone call, that changed my emotions and state of mind forever. At the very end, we cut an unhealthy cord between me and a former lover. The day after I did this, the former lover messaged me. Weird, right? I think he could feel me moving on (even if I didn’t want to). Don’t even get me started. You know your heart is in the right place if you are hurting after a hard decision.

That wasn’t even the most radical thing that happened. Gabbi was able to unlock emotions inside of me that were inherited, meaning that I was born with them and they were experienced and passed down to me from my ancestors. Seven generations ago, my body inherited helplessness — an emotion that I had to repeatedly unlock in these sessions. In my family, we have heard the stories told from the elders but I haven’t necessarily done the official documented research on my lineage tree past my 5th great-grandparents. This would have been around 1845. I could hear my deep Tejas roots screaming at me. Texas entered the Union in 1845. It’s interesting though … my paternal great grandfather was born in Texas in 1889. My great great great grandfather’s family would’ve been affected by this. He was born in Mexico in 1824 and died in Texas in 1877. I inherited defensiveness 14 generations ago. This would have been around 1670-1680. I assumed this was a connection to my Sephardic Jewish roots? On February 14, 1670, Roman Catholic Emperor Leopold I chased the Jews of out Vienna. Ironically, this session was the same week as the anniversary of my paternal grandmother’s death. Her family has claimed they were Jewish before they were Catholic and went through the Spanish Inquisition in Europe. Last but not least, I inherited feelings of self-abuse from my father’s side 17 generations ago. 17 generations ago was about 425 years ago. The only thing that registered to me from this time period was the publishing of Shakespeare’s Romeo + Juliet in 1597. My grandmother loves to remind me that my life is not a tragedy “like that play.” Anyways, I am Mercutio.

Third session (3/28) … more heart walls! Although, I learned that these emotions were actually deeply hidden and were from situations not too far in the past. I had inherited more pride from my ancestors 19 generations ago. When I look back at my family history, what were my ancestors doing in 1545? I do not have a clue but Michelangelo was probably the most famous person alive — besides Martin Luther and the patronizing colonizing monarchs. It’ll come to me. Flash forward to the present —> I experienced failure at the age of 17. I think I remember the exact moment. HA! I learned grief and my creative insecurities developed at age 19. I hid myself through lust at the age of 23. Damn. ** takes a sip of extremely hot tea ** One magical thing that occurred after this session was that I found kleenex in my grandma’s old jacket. My parents had shipped me some of her old clothes. When I reached in one of the pockets, I found a used kleenex. She always had these on hand to stuff her eardrums with them, to protect from viruses. She was totally with me.

The last session on April Fools was a big moment for me. We entered my subconscious and saw that I felt worthless at the age of 22. True. I am a survivor. I faced conflict at the age of 24, specifically in my kidneys or bladder. Yikes! During this period of my life, I pretty much accepted that I was an alcoholic and I desperately needed to change whole life. I abruptly left Houston and moved to Los Angeles to start new. When I landed, I lived with my family and was forced to stop the self-sabotage. Things were interesting and introspective. Lastly, I came to terms with trapped feelings of unworthiness that I developed at age 26.

Of course, I was hiding something. Actually a few things. It was hopelessness from 34 generations ago. I looked into all of this! 850 years ago the year was 1170. The most valuable information I gained from this time frame was that Saint Dominic was born that year in Spain. He is the patron saint of astronomers. Y’all … I especially felt this not only because of my obsession with astrology but also because Saint Catherine of Siena (who I am named after) was apart of the Dominican Order. She was a mystic, activist, and writer who had a big influence on Italian literature. Okay, I am listening … haha. I am releasing depression from 14 generations ago. 1670. My Jewish ancestors are speaking to me. They told me that I’ve been in deep rest and I’m reaching the end of my healing journey. I am waking up. Here I am at last! I removed helplessness. By this point, it was 3rd time helplessness had appeared. We needed to know more. I needed to make myself conscious of the addiction of this emotional frequency. Time to sit with all of this. I am working on all of these journal prompts. When did it first trigger? How did that make you feel? What’s the result of that feeling/the reaction of those around you? What was it about this experience (or repeated experiences) that made you believe you needed “helplessness?” Do you need to project the frequency of helplessness to “survive?”